“The Power to Bless”

Genesis 27:1-38 (selected verses)

James 3:3-13, 17-18

Pastor Melanie Hammond Clark

Father’s Day, June 20, 2010

            “When Esau heard his father’s words he cried out with a great and exceedingly bitter cry, ‘Bless me, me also, Father!’”

            Isaac’s words of blessing had gone out to Jacob and were lost to Esau.  In their culture that blessing signified a special place in the family and, in this particular biblical family, it signified a particular place in God’s family as well.

            “Have you only one blessing, Father?  Bless me, me also, Father!”  And Esau lifted up his voice and wept.

            The words had gone out, and, as strange as it may seem to us today, those words were irretrievable.  What went out could not be taken back, and two lives were changed forever.

            As long ago and far away as that family situation seems, the power of a parental blessing or the lack of one is no less strong today.  Many of the issues we wrestle with as adults find their original impulse in our still long search for someone to truly bless our lives…for someone to say our name with the full knowledge of who we are and to say it with deep approval, affirmation, understanding, and joy.

            Being a parent is a huge responsibility.  It is fraught with opportunities to curse instead of to bless.  It is filled with teachable moments and timely words, but it also knows thoughtless reactions and unintended pain.  Few parents, if any, set out to harm their children, but many of us do.

            One of my seminary professors reminded us of this reality when he shared this personal story with us.  He said:

I was in the kitchen one morning in a rather groggy state, when my youngest daughter came bounding down the stairs into the room.  “Good morning, Daddy,” she exclaimed.  Focused on the stove, I kind of hrrrmmphed and grunted some kind of vague greeting.

Seconds later, Kimmy said, “Daddy, I learned how to tie my shoes yesterday.”  At that I turned from the stove with a proud papa smile look, hugged her, and said, “Honey, that’s wonderful!  I’m so proud of you!” 

Minutes later, when she left for the morning, my heart sank when I realized the message I had just given my loving daughter.  Simply entering the room, just being her self, hadn’t been enough to get Dad’s attention.  The radiant beam came from Dad’s face because she had done something, because she had achieved.  What was I teaching her about my love for her?  More importantly, what was I modeling about God’s love for her?

            This image of Dr. Loder in his kitchen with his daughter is imbedded in my parental heart.  Over the years it has served in my mind’s eye as a gentle reminder to notice my loved ones, to greet them with joy, to communicate that they are known and their presence matters.

            We all carry images with us, consciously or unconsciously, good or bad, that inform our words, our actions, our responses to life.  The wise person develops an awareness of those images in order to more helpfully put them to use or put them away.

            Take this image for example.  Marion doesn’t seem a very manly name, but it was the name of the movie star who became an icon of manliness for millions.  His full name was Marion Michael Morrison.  His film name was John Wayne.  The Duke.

            The images he left behind on the screen impacted the male consciousness for over four decades.  His pictures projected the image of a man who was his own many, a man nobody owned or ordered around.  He pulled himself up by his bootstraps.  He shot straight and rode tall.  He went his way, on his own horse.  And he was famous for lines like the one he delivered in the film She Wore a Yellow Ribbon:  “Never apologize, mister.  It’s a sign of weakness.” (John Trent, Choosing to Live the Blessing)

            It’s not true, of course.  In fact, James, in our Scripture this morning tells us the opposite: a wise man is “peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, and full of mercy.”  But hearing the Duke say, “Never apologize…it’s a sign of weakness”, and seeing him on the screen larger thaen life, it seems it should be true.

            That is the power of a picture, especially the picture of someone we look up to.  Even if what he or she says isn’t true, it seems true to us because the person looms larger than life.  That person may be a movie star, a coach, a. A teacher.

            Or a father.

            Do not underestimate your power in the life of a loved one.  You may wish you didn’t have it, but you do.

            The classic writer Dostoyevski said:  “Every day and every hour, every minute, walk around yourself and watch yourself, and see that your image be seemly.  You pass by a little child, you pass by, spiteful, with ugly words, with wrathful heart; you may not have noticed the child, but he has seen you, and your image, unseemly and impious, may remain in his defenseless heart.  You don’t know it, but you may have sown an evil seed in him and it may grow, and all because you were not careful before the child…”

            The contemporary writer Robert Fulghum said something similar, only more succinctly:  “Don’t worry that your children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you.”

            Friends, we are imperfect people, impatient people, insensitive-and-sometimes- overwrought-with-stress people.  We are often like the 13-year-old boy who, when asked by his dad why he hit his sister Jenny, at first said, “I don’t know”; he was not usually physical, especially with his sister.  But an hour later he came to his waiting dad and said, “I was in my room thinking about it, and I remembered that my math teacher embarrassed me in front of the whole class today. I was so mad at her, but I couldn’t do anything about it, so I just kept all those bad feelings inside of me all day.  I think I just let them all out at Jenny.”

            Like it or not, we have the power to bless and the power to curse.  Whether we are a mom, a dad, a teacher, a grandparent, a coach, a caregiver, a boss, or a friend, we need to tend and reflect on the images that drive us and the lasting images that we create that have the power to bless or curse another; and not only that one, but all the relationships that ripple out from that one to the world.

            Of course, we do and we will make mistakes.  But that’s why the Duke isn’t our Savior… we can apologize!  We can confess our failings to each other and invite healing.  Far from being a weakness, in our God’s eyes humility and confession are strengths that leads to many more strengths. 

            Owning and righting wrongs is a sign of self-confidence and wisdom.  Recognizing when pride or selfishness is damaging those around us is a gift of grace that redeems what was a curse and creates the power of forgiveness. 

            And the power of forgiveness shapes a life that longs to bless.  May this power be yours, for the sake of the ones you love, for the joy it will bring your days, and for the glory it will bring to our God.  In the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.  Amen.